The Cross of Love
What is love? What is dating? What is marriage? Can’t I get a little single around here?
First things first, I am happily in a relationship; one that has been put to the fire and test several times now. I’m not going to speak to you about my relationship, however, I am going to share with you about that time prior to my relationship, that “dreaded” stage in our lives we call, “being single.”
I may be alone in this, but personally, I loved being single. I loved everything about it. I liked going out, the dinner dates with friends, the laughs and the hassle-free lifestyle. I mean, of course I thought about dating and getting a boyfriend, but I knew that I’d have to change and I wasn’t ready for all that. All that being said, however, I still wanted a relationship in the future where someone valued me as the woman and daughter of God that I am.
What I want for a future husband is someone who is going to respect me, value me, and listen to me. I want a man who will open the doors for me, push me to grow, and help me to set new goals for myself. I am going to support whoever I am going to marry. I will listen to them, and like any good woman, let them lead me as the head of the household.
As I was discerning my vocation, I found that I definitely wanted to make a family. I kept hearing from friends and family about what a good catch I was, but I couldn’t seem to find a man who met the criteria. Then I started dating Jesus. I knew He was the one source in my life I needed, and the one source I wanted. Everyone told me that He loved me, but I had to ask “what was love?” At that point in my life, I thought loving Jesus was as easy as getting a bracelet at a gift shop with “W.W.J.D?” on it. I was wrong.
Loving Jesus forced me to look into a huge mirror and reflect on myself. I started to realize that the princess treatment I thought I deserved was an illusion if I couldn’t give my real King, Jesus Christ, the royal treatment He deserves.
If you are looking for the marriage of your dreams, make sure you date Jesus first.
Dating Jesus is similar to dating anyone else. You have to take your time and get to know Him, especially in His Word and in the Most Blessed Sacrament. As time went along, my visits to the Eucharistic Adoration chapel grew longer. I started telling my friends that I had scheduled date nights, and I wanted things to get serious. The more time I spent with Him, the more I realized that if I wanted someone to cherish me, that it was out of my control and that Jesus would have to send them to me.
I then started to realize the effects of getting closer to Jesus. Dating Jesus was making me change. Up until that point, I had been so cautious and had only been dating Him conveniently. I wanted to know Him, but I wasn’t telling too many people about us. People knew me. They knew I was this wild woman who loved God, but I still had my flaws. I was afraid to let them know I was really trying to be committed. Jesus, however, had other plans for us. As things continued to deepen in prayer, I felt Him ask me, “I see what you want in a man, but are you giving that to me? I am love. You can’t give a man love if you don’t know Me.”
Why did He have to get all personal? I mean, He is supposed to love me regardless of my flaws, He created me, He knows what my issues are and why they are there. Then He put me on the spot. I didn’t even know how to answer. I didn’t know him, not the way 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13 tells me I should.
“If I speak with the tongues of men, and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal. And if I should have prophecy and should know all mysteries, and all knowledge, and if I should have all faith, so that I could remove mountains, and have not charity, I am nothing. And if I should distribute all my goods to feed the poor, and if I should deliver my body to be burned, and have not charity, it profiteth me nothing. Charity is patient, is kind: charity envieth not, dealeth not perversely; is not puffed up; Is not ambitious, seeketh not her own, is not provoked to anger, thinketh no evil;
Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth with the truth; Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things. Charity never falleth away: whether prophecies shall be made void, or tongues shall cease, or knowledge shall be destroyed. For we know in part, and we prophesy in part. But when that which is perfect is come, that which is in part shall be done away.
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child. But, when I became a man, I put away the things of a child. We see now through a glass in a dark manner; but then face to face. Now I know in part; but then I shall know even as I am known. And now there remain faith, hope, and charity, these three: but the greatest of these is charity.”
When Jesus started asking all those questions, I started asking them to myself. I started wondering how I could be better for Him. I wanted God to send me a man, but if I didn’t know how to love God, how was I supposed to know how to love one of His sons? I started doing a lot of self reflecting. Was I giving to Jesus what I wanted a man to give me; my time, my effort? Was I listening to what He had to say? Was I trusting Him? I knew it was going to take some time before I made changes, but when I started to see my flaws in the grand scheme of things, I started to realize how far I was from where I needed to be.
Some people may think that being close to Jesus only happens when you go to church. As I have grown in my relationship with Him, I have realized it is so much more than that. Being close to Christ in a real relationship with Him affects everything. It affects your friendships and relationships with others. It affects how you experience pain, trials, and sufferings. When I was hurt by a friend or loved one, my usual reaction was to cut them off and be done with them. I would simply leave the situation until I realized how I have hurt Jesus by my sins and failings. Would I want Him to cut me off and call it quits? No. So how did I figure I deserved to be treated better than the manner I was treating others? That became the question in situations where my feelings were hurt. I focused a lot on the Sorrowful Mysteries. I would ask myself, “would I do this to Jesus?”
As I continued to grow, I started looking at what I wanted in a relationship and would then look at my relationship with Jesus. I began diving into the lives of the Saints and came to understand even more that if I wanted my relationship with God to work I would have to start sacrificing worldly things in my life. I had to ask if I was I giving my time, effort, love, and attention to His calling. Like any good relationship, communication, trust, and a firm sense of direction are the key elements in the growth of the relationship. Where was my communication with Jesus? Was I talking to Him daily; praising Him, trusting Him? Where did I want our relationship to grow? Was I fully committed or was I just passing the time? I had to start adjusting my priorities. I ultimately wanted that relationship where I was becoming a better person because of Him.
My relationship with Jesus is growing ever more and more now that I understand what I want to give Him in return for what He has given me. I know that there are a million other things I can about write in this blog regarding how I feel, but I’m still growing and I know that in due time, I will have a deeper sense of how far I have grown. I don’t want other people to compare their relationship to mine. I simply want to issue a challenge to anyone reading this, whether you are single, engaged, married etc. If you are currently in a relationship (dating or married) that is lacking, chase after Jesus. I encourage you to picture Christ in that other person and treat them with that same love you ought to give to Jesus, but begin with giving Jesus that love first and then to that other person.