Top Ten Tuesday – Ways to Catch On Fire
Fire -what an incredible discovery. The Neanderthals had no idea that their discovery would set ablaze new ideas for centuries. But with great fire comes great responsibility.
Team Orthodoxy is all about fire safety. Therefore, to ensure you do not light yourself on fire, here are the Top Ten Ways You Can Catch On Fire.
Advisory: Please do not try these ideas at home (except for #1)!
10. Point a flame thrower at your face, and press the trigger.
9. Take a big slurp of gasoline, light a match, and swallow it.
8. Allow an altar server to whack you repeated with a lit thurible (aka. incensor) or better yet, stand in front of this as it swings:
7. Stick your head in a furnace.
6. Light 100 fireworks off, in your bathroom, with yourself inside
5. Walk into a burning building, in a snowsuit.
4. Attach as many as 20 to 30 aerosol cans filled with hairspray or other flammable liquids to your ankles, and dance around a bonfire.
3. When building a large tactical space station, make sure that you include a vent large enough to shoot torpedoes down, that connects directly to the main reactor. Piss some rebels off and watch the fun!
2. Allow the man to cook
None of us wish to burn in Hell, and we do not desire that anyone else does either, no matter how many babies they’ve kicked off of bridges. We hope that with this top ten, we have instilled a fear of fire in this life, so as to avoid hellfire in the next. Become Saints, people!